1 week ago....

My daughter, Jessica Victoria Pares, was born. She was born on June 27th, 2011 at 4:12 pm weighing 7 lbs 5 oz at 19 inches. I prayed, I wished, and I dreamed of her all my life. I dreamed of being a singer, a nurse, a politician, a principal, and a teacher. I could compromise on any of those, but not being a mother. It is truly a blessing to finally be a mother to such a beautiful young lady (aka "Lady Jessica" by her Grandpa - my dad).

I finally wanted to get her birth story written up for her to get it off my chest before I forget. I'm sure she will want to read it just as my mom shared my birth story when I was a baby. I'm going to try to keep it somewhat short? It really isn't that dramatic.

Jessica was due on Father's Day, June 19th. I woke on June 19th in tears because she hadn't come yet. I started to doubt my body and question whether or not I did something wrong during my pregnancy not to have her come on time. I know ... It is very silly but I was done at that point. That night, like several other days, I called the doctor complaining of contractions that I thought were labor only to learn it was nothing... as usual. By mid week, I was at peace since we scheduled my induction for Monday June 27th. I had a little more energy now and decided to go on a cleaning spree of my house, do a crazy dance video, eat my sis-n-law's delicious eggplant parm, and get a few walks in. I even drank a couple glasses of wine -- as prescribed by my doctor since I was in so much pain and frustrated.

I was so excited on the night of June 26th. Michael and I went out to have a nice dinner. My goal was to get a good night's rest and be ready for a phone call from Labor and Delivery. I could get a call as early as 4:30 am or as late as 3:30 pm. So no, of course I didn't sleep. This was not because of my anxiety or excitement. I started having back pain and other symptoms that were just "off". I was uncomfortable but ignored them because of all my other false calls. Around 5 am, I noticed my contractions seemed to be closer together... but I also thought that was a fluke.

Finally I got my call at 8:30 am. We got ready to go and by the time we left, I was definitely in "don't mess with me" mode. We arrived by 9:45 am. It took us about 30 minutes to get settled in. I met all the doctors and nurses. We discussed my birth plan and all the other logistical stuff. It took 1 hour just for them to keep track of Baby J's heartrate. My parents arrived around 11 am. At about 11:15 am, it was very clear my contractions were much stronger and now were 2 minutes apart. I breathed through every one with my eyes closed while listening to my favorite song made by my brother. My mom was getting a kick out of watching me silently handle my contractions. I didn't find it funny at all. I came in the hospital at 1 cm and now was 4 cm.

Then Baby J's heartrate went down. Her heartrate has been steady in the 140's for the last 3 months. She dropped below 100 and in hearing that, I lost it. I started hyperventilating, my contractions got stronger and were now 1 minute apart, and then a rush of docs and nurses came flying in. They put tubes here and there and then the oxygen mask. My water broke and the contractions lost it. Michael and the nurse did SO well to calm me down and keep me focused. At this point I was 7 cm dilated. I felt better because her heartrate went back to normal. Now it was about handling the contractions. I dealt with them for a while longer but with them now being 30 seconds apart, I asked for an epidural. It didn't get it for another 40 minutes. There was a student involved which made the process even longer. These were my WORST contractions but I knew that if I moved during this process, I could be screwed. So I toughened up.

Epidural in ... I was in la la land. It was like the greatest glass of wine to my lower half.

15 minutes later - doc says, "ready to have a baby? you are fully dilated" I said to him "are you joking?" So everyone took their time to get everything ready to let the baby come down some more.

4:00, I started pushing. 4 pushes and 4:12 pm... she was out.

She was wisked away quickly because she did do her first poopy in utero, so they had to clean her up. I was looking at the face of Michael and my mom to see if she looked okay. I heard her cry and focused on that the whole time as I had to have some pretty extensive repairs done.

We were moved to recovery about 1 hour later and I finally had Baby J in my arms. I was in heaven and truly blessed.

We came home about 72 hours later. My stay at the hospital was fantastic. Everyone was so helpful. Nurses were there for guidance and educating me. I milked it all up. Mike and I enjoyed our time together with her in our room.

She is now home. I am definitely sleep deprived as we learn this "food" thing. I've been in a ton of pain the last week, but nothing could outdo my love for her. I could stare at her all day (as I am right now). She is beautiful and healthy. I am blessed. Thank you Jesus for giving me this wonderful gift.

Well that was sorta short...



One of these mornings, you're gonna rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings
And you'll take to the sky
But 'til that mornin'
There's a nothin' can harm you
With daddy and mammy standin' by...

I've lost it... The Labor Dance

Soooo... after watching several labor inducing dance videos, I decided to enjoy my body one last time. I've mentioned my woes with my baby stretching me, blowing me up like a balloon, and putting me in pain. All the woes I am grateful for. So I am taking my curvacious, big belly, jumbo butt, no makeup, silly self to all extremes to have a dance party. This is for Baby J's memories of mommy's celebration of her pending arrival in 2 days.

Enjoy.

Eviction date scheduled!

What? Jessica is 102% baked! Today I went for my final tests; both the NST and my ultrasound. It's funny how the ultrasound is not as exciting anymore because baby is just too darn big. You barely can see anything. As usual, little Jessica is healthy and booming! She has a guessed weight of 7.5-8 lbs. She is definitely scheduled to be evicted from my dear body on Monday June 27th.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I'm at peace. She is not showing any signs of coming before then so I am just enjoying my "alone" time for now. 4 days seems like forever but it will be here in no time.

I am just imagining this little one will fill her bouncy seat, lay in her bassinet, sleep in her crib, get her butt cleaned on her changing table, wear her carefully cleaned and ironed clothes, drink out of her lonely bottles, stare at me as she lays on her boppy pillow, and fill my house with so much warmth and joy in just 4 days. How amazing.

YAY!

No baby J and a glass of wine!

It hit me this morning when all of my tickers, calendar updates, and blog were off. One website said 364 days until your child is 1 years old! This ticker above said that Baby J graced our lives yesterday. Outlook kept on a blinking reminder that Baby J was due yesterday. These were all reminders of what an emotional day yesterday was for me.

I woke up in the morning and watched the sun beam into Baby J's room as I sat in my rocking chair and just fell out in tears. I've been holding you for 280 days girl and you weren't here for your birthday! I've been in pain and all that, but not enough to get overly emotional about it. Yesterday just hit me because it was just the realization that it wasn't going to happen and that I was going to be that mom that carried past 40 weeks.

Later in the day yesterday, I thought maybe you just might come. I couldn't take the pain anymore and headed to L & D to check things out. Nada. She is just getting bigger, causing me a ton of pain, and no progression. The doctor saw how stressed I've been (I haven't been sleeping because contractions keep me up all night). She said doctor's orders are to go home, drink a glass of wine and take a bath.

That glass of wine was heaven along with watching me some Miss USA pageant. I had the best rest I've had in the last 2 1/2 months. I awaken this morning to still having contractions but at least I am rested. I've sent my hubby on his way to work. I'm in my recliner... just waiting as I've been told that now the pressure of the baby is causing me additional pain and to stop walking around.

As I wake up with a fresh mind this morning, I have a renewed feeling of "oh my gosh, I'm going to see my little one sometime this week!" She didn't come by her due date, but she will be here. That puts a special glow on my face. So here is to Baby J coming sometime this week... I hope.

Is she going to make it before Father's Day?

It's been a while and I figure I should write something. I hit month 9 at the end of May and have been somewhat miserable ever since.

We have this incredible hosta that we put in a pot finally and within just a couple of days it grew beautifully. It was quite amazing to watch. It looks fabulous on our front steps.

What is not amazing to watch is how my stretch marks have accumulated over the last month. Just like that hosta came out of no where, so did the stretch marks. I've been a cocoa butter junky since I was a kid. It is just something my mother always used with us growing up with everything and it always worked. The stretch marks don't bother me much now other than like 2 of them that are painful. My sadness is in what these jokers will look like AFTER the pregnancy. You hear over and over that there are no miracle creams or that there are, that they will fade or that they won't and so on. All I know is that I'll be working my tail off to try to fade 'em, get rid of 'em, hide 'em - something. My belly is so stretched it literally has not grown anymore in the last 3 weeks. Battle wounds are what they call 'em!

No really? Every stretch mark is a beautiful blessing. I've read the various sad stories of June mothers that I've bonded with during this pregnancy who were not able to make it this far. If it takes a bunch of lines on my belly to make it happen, I'm all for it and I would do it again. Thank you Jesus for this dear blessing.

For a while this month Jessica got very quiet and so did all my Braxton Hicks. Well all that came back full force this past week. I am having regular contractions, FINALLY dilated, and Jessica has quite a bit of an attitude in my belly. I told her I feel the same way and that she is going to have to do some work and get out! Doc suspects she might be a 7-8 lber. If she is not, I am going to demand that the doc looks for the other baby hiding in my belly to make me stretch out this far!

I've definitely been nesting. I lay down whenever I get a chance because my feet and legs swell in a second. It's literally nest for 10 minutes and rest for 50 minutes... repeat. I've scrubbed down our refrigerator and freezer, cleaned up Jessica's room like a million times ironing all of her washed clothes and socks, scrubbing the bathrooms, making lists from lists, and throwing things out. I've been very tired though lately. I typically take 2-3 hour naps each day. Baby Story gets me in that sleepy mode.

I'll leave us with what I hope is my final pregnancy picture at 39 weeks. My brother came over and took pictures so that every preggo picture of me isn't with me holding my cell phone.

Here's to patiently waiting for Jessica to come over the next 5 days. It's a full moon tomorrow. Just maybe she'll make her debut mid week.

What's the difference?

What's the difference between me and these stuffed animals? Well the real answer is that they await patiently in Baby Jessica's room for her arrival. You don't see them squirming anxiously counting the minutes trying to figure out if their contractions are close together or not! You don't see them running around with sore hips and cramps saying "She needs to come already!"

Yes I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of Baby Jessica. In the last few days I have been experiencing very odd pains, irregular contractions, dizziness, nausea, crazy baby movement, and no sleep. My record is 3 hours of sleep at night.

These animals are patient and so very special. One of them belonged to Michael when he was a baby. Another is a rabbit that Michael and I have had since we were engaged (it has recorded voices in him/her). Ok ok I won't drag it out but they all have some pretty good meaning which means Dugga can't go in that room anymore because he absolutely loses it when he sees stuffed animals all together.

We'll see where I am at tomorrow when I see my doctor! Oh! Here goes another contraction... adios.

Bows and headbands and beanies... oh my!

I couldn't wait to share. This DEFINITELY brightened up my rainy bedresting day! Look at this collection. Lord knows I wanted a boy but I think the bows just did it...